oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
being pregnant is like rehab
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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