Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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