I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
