so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
