Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
