I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
