who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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