I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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