if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
