Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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