you turned your livingroom into a bong?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
