I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
