I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
