Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
