You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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