Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
