She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize