Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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