Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
