Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
