If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
