I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
