1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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