She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
