Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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