Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
