Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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