whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
