Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In other news, I just burned my penis
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize