My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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