well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
