dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
