Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
