This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
