You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
