I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
