Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
