yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
