how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
