He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
