i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
