i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
