i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
