Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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