well you can't waste a boner
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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