i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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