If i come over, it means nothing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
