Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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