My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
