Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
