K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
