How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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