I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
