Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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