i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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