i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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