does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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