Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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