my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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