Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
