I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still dying that you shit outside
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize