but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
