Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
