He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
