the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize