DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
