hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
