Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
