Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
