Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just high enough for therapy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
