mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
