Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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