it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
