For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
